Are We Alone?
My whole life I have always heard the phrase “You can’t do life alone!” I always knew I wasn’t alone, I had my husband, my kids, my family but most importantly I have God in my life. Something was missing from the picture, I still felt alone, like I had no one I could go to and talk to when life threw me curve balls. A mentor to help me be the godly mother, wife, and woman of God I longed to be. Where was this person? Why wasn’t the church trying to help me find that person? These questions and more are what I asked myself everyday but to no avail, I couldn’t answer them.
It wasn’t long after I decided I was on my own that an older lady of the church came to me and befriended me. We would call each other, I would visit with her, and the talks I shared with her helped me to become a better woman of God. But after several months, it all stopped, I felt abandoned. I was alone again but not for much longer when another lady became my friend. We enjoyed lunch together, we would call and text, she was there for me as I was for her. She really became the friend I needed, the friend to an answered prayer. After two years, it all stopped and again I was alone. Afraid to try again, I shut people out of my life, I was better alone.
Those words haunting me again, “you can’t do life alone” I started attending Celebrate Recovery at our church and met some wonderful ladies and had a safe environment where I could talk, during this time I became close to a sweet lady and we became close friends and accountability partners, I will say I was scared but I let down my walls and proceeded to see where God was taking this friendship. The same things happened and after a year it was over again. Needless to say the walls went up and the anger started. What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Is it because I don’t have money? Is it because I have a big family? What is the problem? These are the questions that ran through my head. Then I got to thinking and after reading the Bible that day I knew what the problem was, No one is mentoring anyone because they are not being taught how to mentor. How can we change this?
Chip Ingram quoted “We are all insecure,” and insecurity is what is preventing us from reaching out to others. We hear all the time from churches that you can’t do life alone, you need to be a part of a small group, etc. but where is the teaching of this at. Most of the small groups in churches today are people who have been “friends” for a long time. When a new member comes a long, they are having a hard time fitting in because no one wants to befriend them so they began to feel alone like this isn’t where God wants them after all. If you want to reach the un-churched then we the churched must be reaching, you have to become friends with them and show them they aren’t alone. Churches today don’t align with what the Bible says and this needs to change. Yes, it is hard! You can’t make God stop loving you so why do we put terms on loving others?
There are members sitting in churches who are hurting, dealing with habits and addictions, contemplating suicide all because they have no one to turn to. All this takes me back to a to a line in a song by Armin Van Buuren entitled Alone (you can see the video at the end of this message) my loose paraphrase “we are all connected but we are not connecting the human element is missing.” Which means we are connected through social media, text messages and etc. but we are not connecting face to face. This is not good. Jesus didn’t have social media. He walked everywhere, He talked face to face to people, He cared and He wants us to do the same. We say we want to be more like Jesus but are we really striving for that goal?
Titus 2 tells us about how the older women should mentor the younger women and the older men should mentor the younger men. Why is this not happening? We have to begin this work or the younger ones are going to leave the church and not come back and then where is the future of the church? Why are church members leaving and giving up on church? Simply put, no one cares like Jesus. This may sound harsh, but the truth is harsh, we all hate hearing the truth, but it is time to make a change and start being like Christ, get rid of our insecurities and reach out to those that need it.
The reason why I am writing about this subject is because my husband and I have always felt alone at a church we attended. No one would be a friend or come to us. My husband feels so alone because not one person has ever been a true friend and called him to ask how he was. All we are looking for is friends, someone to care about us, someone to show Christ’s love to us and in return we will do the same. You see when one person starts something and someone else sees that, in return they will do the same and then everyone is participating. If you want to reach the un-churched, start reaching the members and then the un-churched can be reached. Maybe it just needs to start with us. Your homework this week: ask someone how he or she is doing? Then after their normal response “I’m fine” then ask them “how are they really doing?” you might be surprised by the answer.